A “bear hug” after a successful sales win

Q: I am a sales rep for a larger tech company. Picture rows of cubicles both deep and across. I am newish. I was oriented in March, and we went over some of the rules within the company. They hit the harassment policy hard, and it was a big focus. My supervisor is a few years older than me. He is good, mostly. When there is a big achievement in the workplace, we ring a bell, and my supervisor comes out of his office. He is then very excitable and will head to the person who made the winning sale. He will give that person a lot of praise. Part of the praise is a bear hug. He sometimes jokes that he is the father bear, and we are his cubs. That is funny, but annoying. I think the hugs are weird. Most people put up with it, but some run away trying to make a joke about it. He then chases them. It is very awkward. Is this harassment?

A: Thanks for your question. Though the world is often not black and white, this feels inappropriate and unprofessional and may be categorized as harassment.

You and your co-workers likely have a range of responses, which may include disgust or bewilderment. This behavior is fairly unusual. I have worked with many tech sales teams, and this behavior is an outlier, thankfully.

When reviewing the current harassment laws, touching, when unwelcome, can often be considered harassment. Repeated touching, after an employee says no, pushes this behavior closer to meeting the definition of harassment. If a supervisor hugs someone once and the person says they do not like it, and the supervisor continues, the supervisor does not seem to be listening. Sometimes listening is also observing body language or other non-verbal cues. Does the recipient physically take a step back? Or does the person say, “I am not a hugger, no thanks.” Your colleagues, the ones running from your supervisor, are demonstrating that this behavior is unwelcome. Your supervisor may counter with “It’s just a joke.” The “joke” response is a common explanation for this behavior.

If a person in the workplace is hugged and the recipient says stop and the supervisors stop, this conduct usually does not rise to meet the definition of harassment. In the situation you describe, it sounds like this behavior is repeated and some of the responses are of disgust. There are some circumstances in which a hug may be acceptable. If you hug a co-worker who has had a loss in their life, like the death of a loved one, that type of hug is usually a bit different than chasing a person around the office with the goal of hugging them. Either way, it is best not to test the line. Your supervisor should know to stay away from the line. He should be offering verbal praise and support for a job well done. However, the words he uses should also be appropriate. One little known fact about harassment laws is that the complainant does not have to be the person harassed, but it could be anyone affected by offensive conduct.

When an employee “goes along” with harassing behavior to avoid being targeted further or to cope in a hostile environment, that response does not mean that the conduct is acceptable. The imbalance of power in a supervisor-employee relationship is one factor that should be evaluated. The totality of the work environment and the behaviors should be reviewed.

Some have printed my blog post and left it on a supervisor’s desk. Some have left notes on a supervisor’s desk or sent an email from a generic email address. Others have done the same but the recipient has been HR. Many fear retaliation and will not complain. Retaliation is unlawful, but retaliation can be subtle. It is important to let someone within your company, and perhaps even suggest that an HR professional stop by to hopefully observe the behavior. It sounds like your supervisor is not concerned about who sees this behavior, which could be helpful in this situation.