March Ins-and-Outs

Amy Elliot Dunne of the hit movie “Gone Girl”: “‘Cool girl.’ Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment? ‘She’s a cool girl.’ Cool girl is hot, cool girl is game, cool girl is fun.” -Amy Elliot Dunne

Writing directly in your books with pen: Oh, you annotate with sticky notes? Loser!

Graphic by Alejandro Gonzalez

Lexi Howard: You people may relate to her, but I relate to her on a deeper and more real level than you ever could. You don’t even get it, she is literally me.

Books switching narrators: It’s just so fun! And it adds so much more to the story, in my opinion.

Monochrome outfits: Serving Heather Chandler realness!

Nicholas Braun: 6’7, a Taurus and a Phoebe Bridgers fan!

Overanalyzing children’s movies: “Daddy Daycare” is literally a commentary on unequal access to education under capitalism.

Lipstick: Every time I put on lipstick I get like 10 times prettier, no joke.

Crumpets: One of the only good things that Britain has given us.

Megan Thee Stallion: This pretty much goes without saying, honestly. She is always in.

Season One Nick Miller: Like why did he look so good?

Graphic by Alejandro Gonzalez

Ben Affleck: Imagine cheating on Jennifer Garner. JENNIFER GARNER! Also fun fact: my dad used to work at a toy store and Ben Affleck went there once!

“A Little Life” by Hanya Yanagihara: DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! “A Little Life” stole my livelihood and left me penniless and crying on the ground. I’m thinking about rereading it, honestly.

Hating Jules Vaughn: Give me one valid reason why you dislike her besides that she’s “bad for Rue.” As if Rue isn’t equally as bad for her! Also, if you haven’t seen her special episode, you’re not allowed to speak about her.

Ebooks: I know they’re better for the environment or whatever but I HATE reading online.

Shorts: Only acceptable in overall form.

Men having mustaches but not beards: Hasan Piker, you are on thin ice.

Graphic by Leehy Gertner

Nail Files: They FREAK ME OUT!

Lip Stain: Ok, I get that it lasts longer or whatever but I just HATE the texture.

White Chocolate: It’s literally not even chocolate! My step-dad who’s a culinary instructor told me it’s technically a confection!

Saying that you “just don’t like rap music” or not liking ANY rap music: Very thinly veiled racism, honestly…

The New M&M Designs: They literally de-yassified the M&M’s to distract from a child labor lawsuit I’m shaking.