Ins-and-Outs

In:
Carly Rae Jepsen: “Emotion” deserved the same hype as “1989”.
Out:
Deleting social media posts (Reputation era excluded): Deleting posts is so unnecessary that only Taylor Swift is allowed to do it.

In:
Alexandre Desplat: I love movie soundtracks, and he makes such good ones.
Out:
Greg Heffley: He was such a little jerk. Rowley was your only friend and you took him for granted!

In:
Lucy Dacus’ “Home Video”: Album of the year.
Out:
Liam Payne: Dying your hair blonde won’t make people remember you were in One Direction.

Graphic by Alejandro Gonzalez

In:
NYT Mini Crossword Puzzles: They’re so fun! I do them every day! I think my best time was like 16 seconds.
Out:
Hardback books: Too heavy and too expensive!

In:
The Barter System: Andrew Jackson was wrong about a lot of things, one of which was “hard money” being good!
Out:
The Two-Party System: Guys, George Washington was right. The party system will be the death of this country.

In:
NBC’s Grease Live: When has Aaron Tveit ever been in something bad? And bonus: he’s so much less scary-looking than John Travolta!
Out:
NBC’s Rent Live: The only good part was Jordan Fisher as Mark. I don’t even remember who played Roger because he was so bad I blocked him from my memory.

In:
Ball Point Pens: So much fun to write with!
Out:
Felt Tip Pens: They bleed!

In:
David Fincher: Not usually a fan of men making movies, but he’s an exception.
Out:
Missing the point of “Fight Club”: If you don’t realize that Fight Club is satirical, you missed the point of the movie. You shouldn’t be looking up to the characters!

Graphic by Leehy Gertner

In:
Lana Del Rey’s “Born to Die”: Listening to it in third grade permanently changed my brain chemistry. Probably for the worse, but that’s okay!
Out:
Lana Del Rey: She’s served her purpose.

In:
StoryGraph: Goodreads but better!
Out:
Goodreads: StoryGraph but worse!

In:
Netflix Original Movies: Except when they’re written by one of the actors. That’s just embarrassing.
Out:
Netflix Original Shows: “13 Reasons Why”, “On my Block”… do I even need to continue?

In:
Will Arnett: Hot, funny, used to date Amy Poehler!
Out:
Abraham Lincoln: Such a centrist. Pick a side and stick to it! Also, your hat was ugly.

In:
Andrew Garfield: We are living through the Andrew Garfield renaissance. What a time to be alive!
Out:
Lin-Manuel Miranda being in every movie he works on: Just write the songs and leave, Lin-Manuel. I don’t want to be worried about being jump-scared every time I watch something you work on!

Graphic by Alejandro Gonzalez

In:
Patterned Tights: Super easy way to make a boring outfit more fun! My friend just got a bunch from Amazon. #funfact.
Out:
Leggings: They are not that comfortable. Just wear jeans!

In:
Season 2 April Ludgate: The campest character and the most slayful season of “Parks and Rec”!
Out:
The 2013 Great Gatsby movie: Why is Spiderman in this movie?

In:
Squirrel Flower’s cover of “So Hot You’re Hurting my Feelings”: Honestly the best version of the song. Sorry Caroline Polachek, but not really.
Out:
“Barstool Sports”-esque Podcasts: I promise you nothing being said in these types of podcasts is revolutionary.

In:
“The Lego Batman Movie”: The best Batman movie, hands down.
Out:
Men in Hollywood only dating women of a certain age, à la Jake Gyllenhaal and Leonardo DiCaprio: Grow up! Afraid that women your own age have already heard your lame pick-up lines?

In:
2002-2011 Avril Lavigne: I’m sorry I can’t be her…She was looking camp directly in the eyes! She had a staring contest with camp and emerged victorious!
Out:
Robert Pattinson being British: It just doesn’t make sense!

Graphic by Leehy Gertner

In:
Ron Weasley: Cool and awesome!
Out:
Harry Potter: Loser. You didn’t deserve Ginny.

In:
Postmodernism: I’m a postmodernist but in a post-ironic way. You guys wouldn’t even get it.
Out:
The Pythagorean Theorem: Why should I believe it? Because some dead guy said it was true?

In:
Linda Cardellini: She has never stopped serving. God bless.
Out:
Seth Meyers: His Netflix special sucked! It’s not funny that your wife gave birth in the lobby because of you, Seth!

In:
Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-on Eye Pencil: Guys, it’s such a good eyeliner, I swear.
Out:
Tampon Commercials: No one wants to play tennis on their period, or ever!

In:
Headbands: They make you look like an American Girl doll in the best way possible.
Out:
“This Car Climbed Mount Washington” Bumper Stickers: I’m telling you right now, literally no one cares.

Graphic by Alejandro Gonzalez

In:
Earbuds and Headphones: Can’t die! And they look better.
Out:
Airpods: They always die!

In:
Season 4 of TV shows: Always the best season! “Community” is the only exception.
Out:
Criminal Minds episodes where the unsub has OCD: Definitely not helping with the myriad of stereotypes about people with OCD.

In:
People with Virgo placements: Love you guys! Maybe try meditation, though!
Out:
The notion that rest is something that has to be earned: Thanks a lot, capitalism!