Night of dialogue to show plight of straight people

This past summer, Boston was a leader on many fronts: sweaty men over 50, delays on the Red Line, and most importantly, recognizing the issues of America’s most oppressed community- heterosexuals. 

After thousands of years of being un-oppressed, non-brutalized and never silenced, the straight community of Boston said, “Enough is Enough,” and, with a Pats jersey in one hand and a lukewarm beer in the other, marched bravely through the city of Boston. 

Inspired by the Straight Pride Parade to take action on a local level, Brookline High School’s Cisgender Heterosexuality Alliance (CHA) began organizing. After lacrosse practice but before their dads get home, CHA members have been “booling” together weekly to plan an assembly on issues facing the straight community.

This years’ Night of Dialogue will be starting A-block with “Telling Our Stories,” where audiences will hear from student leaders in the straight community such as Boy Whose Dad Voted For Mitt Romney, Nathan “Soundcloud In Bio” Goldstein, Girl Who Unironically Enjoys Taylor Swift and a tall white guy named Nick. 

They’ll delve deep into heart-wrenching stories of struggle and oppression, like when the girl wore denim shorts under her oversized sweater and “everyone accused of not wearing pants.” During the rehearsal, her voice breaks at the thought as she wipes away a single tear. “Just because we’re straight doesn’t mean we don’t experience oppression. You know how many times I’ve been asked to take my Airpods out or to not Juul in the gender neutral bathrooms?!” Nick cries in a fit of righteous rage.

During C-block, Tisch Musical Theatre Major Anne-Marie will perform a series of short plays called “Supporting The Queer Community When It’s Convenient,” “My Gay Friend Mark Said I Can Use That Word,” “Lesbians Make Me Visibly Uncomfortable” and “Dressing Up For PRIDE!”

The day will wrap-up at G-block with another assembly where Jake “Too PC Nowadays” Tibbs will present a 65-minute slideshow of photos from his summer on Martha’s Vineyard: shirtless, in sunglasses, holding up dead fish.

Recently one of our staff members got a chance to chat with the main organizer, Ben “Benji-Boy” Mayes, while he was walking his golden retriever, Brady, about the event. 

“Listen,” Mayes said, “I know that people think this is some sort of homophobic or White Nationalist thing, but it isn’t. Straight people just want to be able to live openly, with no legal limitations, be proud of their identity and embrace the straight lifestyle. Because before now, we’ve only been allowed to do that, for, what – a meager 2,019 years?” 

“And, on that topic, you know how hard it is to find representation in media for straight people? There are like, what? Only 47,568 movies where the characters are explicitly straight? It’s like every 10th character on TV and in movies is gay, while straight characters are relegated to playing protagonists and leading figures. What if straight actors wanted to play the unaffectionate uncle? Or a fashion designer in his late 50s? A hairdresser? An Italian man in skinny jeans? You see – we are completely stripped of the opportunity to play caricatures and have to carry the burden of nuanced, dramatic and well-paying roles.”

He goes on, “Or what about the fact that we’re only provided a platform in almost every single part of the performance industry! I constantly have to ask myself, where is my off-off-off-Broadway production of CATS?! And don’t even get me started on the fact that we’re only mentioned in the American history textbook for 546 of its 547 pages! How did we lose that last page?!”

He sighs, flustered at the lack of an all-straight production of CATS. “Honestly… that’s what makes this event so necessary. If our political, social and economic platforms ever gave straight people a voice, I wouldn’t be complaining. Just think about it: if history was made, written and dominated by straight, white men, would we ever need this event in the first place?”